Turn Back Time
by Mirage79
Summary: So what if Elena did something that was unforgivable. What if she did something that not only turned Stefan away from her, but everyone she considered was close to her. What if she just messed up everyone's life? (My first fic here on this site! Let me know what you think! Also this is not really an Elena friendly story. Sorry!) Elena/Damon Elena/Stefan Bonnie/Damon


_**Turn down the lights; turn down the bed**_

There were times in Elena Salvatore's life where she wished she could just turn back the clock and redo time.

Correct past mistakes, take a different road. Make a different decision.

Elena's painted lips twisted as she watched as her husband shrugged the crisp white shirt off his broad shoulders, baring to her gaze the tempting expanse of pale skin, stretched tautly over firm, enticing muscles.

She had always known, since the first time she met him, that her life would be changed. That _he_ would impact her life in such a way, that she would never be the same again.

And she had been right. Because even though Stefan Salvatore had been the love of her life, Damon Salvatore had been her very own temptation.

There was a time when she had thought that she was his everything. Where she thought he loved her – and only her and would've fought anyone and everyone to be with her. Would've sacrificed anything and _anyone _for her but as Elena watched her husband sit on his massive Californian King, running his hands through his dark hair, she knew that really she had been nothing but a deluded little girl so fucking full of herself.

_**Turn down these voices inside my head  
**_

Those voices in her head, still sound suspiciously like Caroline. Cold, accusing, hurt.

"_Sometimes, Elena, you're so fucking selfish!" _she had spat, the derision and disgust so evident in her gaze.

"_I just can't believe you would DO this. To Bonnie, to Damon. To Stefan!" _Elena remembered watching Caroline as she struggled to get her emotions under control.

"_You play with people's lives as if you have a RIGHT to, expecting all of us to fall in line, with YOUR needs and YOUR wants." _Caroline took a deep breath, dark brown eyes flashing. "_But what you did, that's unforgiveable, Elena. To BIND Damon to you, so you wouldn't lose him, and EXPECT Stefan and Bonnie to be okay with that? I – I don't get it, Elena. What did you expect them to do? Be okay with this? "_Caroline shook her head. "_And then – then I find out you were crying on Tyler's shoulder trying to seduce him into sleeping with you?"_ Caroline glared at her. "_Did you honestly think he wouldn't tell me? We're MARRIED Elena. I can't be around someone who would willingly treat their friends like that. I just can't –"_

Elena remembered getting to her feet and pleading with her that she hadn't been thinking, that she was hurting. She also remembered Caroline walking out on her and their life-long friendship.

For the past five years since that day, Caroline barely acknowledged her, instead she had spoken to Damon warmly enough and ignored Elena's attempts at restarting their friendship.

Tightening her lips, Elena unzipped the dress she had donned for the wedding, stepping out of her shoes and kicking them to one side.

Lately she had been constantly bombarded with memories. The accusing looks, the arguments, the voices in her head, sounding so much like all her ex-friends.

Friends, who she thought she would have for life. Friends that she had hurt, so bad.

_**Lay down with me, tell me no lies,  
Just hold me close, don't patronize**_

And because of her actions in the past, here she was married to a man who was in love with someone else. A man who was still in love with her best-friend.

She knew he still thought about her, late a night, when they were sleeping side by side, because the spell she had that witch perform bound them together in a way where they couldn't be far from each other for long periods of time. There were nights she lay beside him, watching him as he whispered her name.

But he had never lied to her. Never told her he loved her. Even on those rare occasions when he held her at night, he never uttered those words to her. Never patronized her with false declarations of love.

But she knew he had said them to _her_. Knew that he had said them to her best friend. To Bonnie.

_**Cause I can't make you love me if you don't  
**_

Early on, when she had been so full of herself she thought she could force him forget all about Bonnie and make him fall back in love with her.

And Elena, in her arrogance, had thought that Bonnie would forgive her, that she could have her cake and eat it too. She would have Stefan, the love of her life, have Damon to flirt with and who would be still in love with her and Bonnie would fall back in line and they'd be best friends again. And for Elena, everything would be right with her world.

After all. Damon had wanted _her _first. Even though she had been with Stefan. Even though she was with his brother, Damon had still pursued her, relentlessly.

And it made her feel – powerful. Two _men_, two of the sexist most powerful men she knew, fought over _her_.

And she had let it get to her head. So much so, that when she found out that Damon had found peace in the arms of her best friend, she had felt betrayed.

As if he had cheated on her.

In her mind, Damon was _hers! _He wanted _her _first. Pursued _her _first.

He was so different from Stefan. His sex appeal was so different to his brothers.

Stefan's was solid, comforting, loving. Something she could trust in, something she could depend on.

Damon's whispered promises of excitement laced with a touch of darkness.

So when Elena, so full of herself, had made a play for Damon to bring him back in line, she had been more than surprised when he had laughed at her and told her to run along back to his brother like a good little girl.

It was then, Elena had made the worse decision of her life.

Even though he had been with Bonnie. Even though he had been _happy_. Elena had not only destroyed his life, but hers as well.

_**You can't make your heart feel, something it won't**_

"You're quiet." She said softly, undressing slowly.

"Nothing much to say." He replied, his voice cold, void of emotion. Very much like their relationship.

"The wedding was beautiful, don't you think?" she asked him, picking at the still raw wound she knew he must be harboring.

"Leave it alone, Elena." He ordered, his back still to her, as he stood and undid his belt.

"Damon, I –"

"I said. LEAVE. IT. A LONE." He bit out, his normally brilliant blue eyes bleeding black as the beast inside him took over.

Glaring at her, he stormed into the connecting bathroom, slamming the door in his wake.

Collapsing to the bed, Elena buried her head in her hands, tears burning her eyes.

There were times, when she would close her eyes, her body next to his, and just make believe.

Make believe she hadn't fucked up all their lives royally. Make believe that she hadn't been so blind and so stupid. Make believe that he actually loved her. Like she now loved him.

Elena gave a caustic laugh. How's that for fucking karma.

She had played with their lives like she was a damn puppeteer. Ruining lifelong friendships, hurting a man she loved, falling in love with his brother who hated her guts on most days, and causing that same brother to lose what was probably his only salvation.

Falling back on the bed she shared with Damon, Elena stared at the ceiling.

Fuck, she had been such an egocentric bitch. Thinking that she wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of her actions.

She had Stefan. She had _loved_ Stefan. But the attention Damon had been giving her had turned her head. Even though she had shot him down on many occasions, he still came back for more, whispering, tempting. Insinuating.

And she had gloried in that. Gloried in her feminine power over two of the most deadliest men alive. Loving Stefan while stringing Damon along. Flirting with Damon, while telling Stefan he was the only one for her.

And then suddenly, just like as if a switch and been flicked, Damon started spending more time with Bonnie. Those sly innuendos, those subtle touches that she had thought were hers, he started giving to Bonnie instead. Bonnie, her best friend.

And Elena had not liked it. She had put on a brave face, telling Bonnie she was happy for her, and that she was happy Bonnie was happy.

But inside, she had been fuming. And the Elena now, looked back to the Elena back then, and thought she was a fucking bitch.

Elena remembered walking in on them, it had been late at night, and Elena hadn't been able to sleep, knowing that Bonnie and Damon were on the other side of the mansion, doing possibly what she and Stefan had been doing only hours before.

So she had gone to grab some water from the kitchen, only to freeze as she stumbled on the couple, watching Damon go down on Bonnie like she was the tastiest fucking thing on this planet.

She remembered Bonnie's muted cries, as she had arched her hips into Damon's mouth. How one hand had gripped the dark strands of his hair, holding him tightly as her hips cantered faster and faster against the man's tongue, and her other hand had been stuffed in her mouth, to mute her screams.

She remembered watching aroused and pissed as Bonnie had screamed her climax, and seconds later Damon had her up against the wall, slamming into her while whispering darkly into her ear.

She remembered Damon whispering 'Do it', before Bonnie bit into his shoulder with her human teeth and he roared into completion.

But it was the scene afterwards that had really gotten to Elena.

She had watched as Damon had tenderly and lovingly carried Bonnie back upstairs, whispering words of 'I love you' the whole time.

And even though Elena had that with Stefan, she wanted that with Damon.

And so, two weeks later she had made a play for Damon. Only to be humiliated when he turned her down.

So Elena did the only thing she could think of. She contacted a witch to do a spell to bind Damon to her.

Gritting her teeth in frustration, she cursed her younger self for being so arrogant and so damn selfish.

The witch had been barely competent. Stammering the spell as if she were afraid of her own voice, and when she had completed she had hightailed it out of Mystic Falls as fast as she could.

But the spell she had performed on Damon, was one where it linked Damon to her. Where if he touched another woman, tiny licks of pain would invade his entire body, increasing every second until his whole body was racked with unmentionable pain. And his only relief? Was Elena.

Her touch and her touch only would relieve the pain Damon would feel. It was something she had made a conscious decision about and it was something she now regretted.

The spell was irreversible. She had not only tied Damon to her, she herself was tied to Damon.

She had wanted for it to affect Damon, not allowing him to touch Bonnie or any other woman but Elena. That her touch and her touch alone would bring him relief, but Elena soon found that not only did if affect Damon, but her as well.

She found out that the bonding spell went both ways. If Damon wasn't allowed to touch another woman, then she wasn't able to touch another man.

Another consequence of the bond was that it wouldn't allow them to spend too long away from each other and if they did their bodies would start shaking uncontrollably, like an addict coming down from a high. And the only thing that would stop the shakes was each other's touch. Damon fared better than she did. Sometimes he would disappear for a couple of days, and by the time he came back, she was barely conscious whereas he looked like he had a minor case of the chills.

Yeah, that fucking spell had shit like consequences just like anything else. Remove the curse, both participants died. Fucked if you do, and fucked if you don't.

Even someone as powerful as Bonnie, couldn't reverse the spell. And she had tried. But every time she did, Bonnie ended up in a coma.

Stefan had been devastated when the truth had come out. She remembered the betrayal and the pain on his face.

"_Why, Elena?"_ he had asked, devastation in his voice. _"What would make you do something like this?_

She had sobbed her apologies, expecting Stefan to forgive her like he had so many times before.

"_This, this is unforgiveable." _He had told her, shaking off her hand. "_You bound Damon to you. Deliberately. Despite the fact that he was with Bonnie, despite the fact that you are with me. For what?"_ he enquired. "_Just because Damon found someone else. Just because someone dared to put Bonnie before you. You've destroyed the first relationship Damon has ever had that wasn't toxic. You did that, Elena. And you've just destroyed us."_

Elena had pleaded with him, the tears real this time as she watched him walk away from her, the realization that everything was falling apart finally getting through to her.

And then there was the showdown with Bonnie.

"_Why, Elena. Just why." _Bonnie had asked, face void of emotion her voice low.

"_Because he was mine first!" _Elena had snapped defensively, annoyed at the pitying look Bonnie was giving her.

"_Yours? He was never yours, Elena. If you want to get to get technical, he was Katherine's first. You know her right? The woman who's face you wear?"_

"_Please Bonnie, you were only ever the fill in. Do you really think that if I weren't with Stefan, Damon would give you the time of day?"_

"_And do you really think that if you didn't have Katherine's face, he would've paid you any attention at all?" _Bonnie took a step towards her, anger and fury lining her small body. "_You know, Elena, there have been times in our friendship where it's been really hard to be your friend. The girl I grew up with, disappeared into – this –" _she indicated, pointing at Elena. _" – you've changed. Suddenly everything has to be about you. Everyone has to drop everything just for you. Every man has to be in love – with you." _Bonnie shook her head. "_You know what, Elena. You win. You have Damon. Good for you. But how sweet is that victory? You don't have Stefan, he walked out on you, and Caroline barely talks to you, Jeremy's moved away to get away from you and as for me? There is no me in your life. Consider our friendship, terminated." _And with that, Bonnie too walked out of her life.

The bathroom door opened and Damon came out, dressed in silk black pajama bottoms, and nothing else.

Damn, but he was beautiful. All hard muscle, smooth pale skin and dark hair. His body was like a work of art. Broad tapered shoulders, long well muscled arms, flat six-pack abs, slim hips, long well defined things. Yeah, Damon Salvatore was definitely a tall drink of water to a woman stuck in the Sahara desert.

Ignoring her look, Damon walked to the small dresser which held a large bottle of scotch. Pouring himself a glass, Damon continued to ignore her as he drank deeply, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

_**Cause I can't make you love me if you don't  
You can't make your heart feel something it won't  
**_

There was no softness in Damon anymore. No forgiveness. He may be stuck with her, but he hadn't in all the years they had been sleeping beside each other, given into to her tears, or her seductions.

He remained faithful to _her._ He still remained faithful to Bonnie. And Elena knew that he would ALWAYS remain faithful to her.

Even though today, today Bonnie Bennett married another man.

"It was a beautiful wedding, don't you think?" she asked him, rising to a sitting position.

"You talking is probably not a good idea at the moment, Elena." Damon told her pointedly, taking another mouthful of his drink.

"I mean Bonnie looked so beautiful in her dress –"she taunted not knowing where all this was coming from.

Actually she did. Because Bonnie Bennett still haunted their marriage. And Elena was still jealous of the love her husband had for her best friend.

"Shut. Up."

"And her husband, Derek Hale? I mean damn, Bonnie sure does know how to pick them." A slow smile crossed her face as she witnessed the flash of pure rage cross his face.

Damon chuckled darkly, as he stared at her.

"Tell me something, Elena. What did it feel like watching Stefan dance with Lucy Bennett? The way he held her, the way he whispered in her ear. The way he looked at her. What does it feel like to know the love of your life moved on so easily?" he drawled, ice blue eyes mocking her. "And with Bonnie's cousin as well?" he gave a hard laugh, watching her as she flinched. "Tell me what did it feel like knowing that the only reason you were at the wedding was because you were with me. You didn't even warrant an invite."

"Stop it!" Elena snapped, standing and glaring at him, her fists clenched.

"What did it feel like when you went to greet Jeremy, he barely acknowledged you. In fact – didn't he walk away from you?" he taunted. "Just upped and walked away?"

"I said stop it!" she shouted, panting as she remembered the pain she felt as she watched Jeremy walk away from her, something close to hate lingering on his face.

Damon reached out and grabbed her wrist in a hard grip, not caring if he bruised her.

"And what did it feel like watching as Caroline stood next to Bonnie as her matron of honor, along with her cousin Lucy and Jeremy's _wife_. Wait, did you even _know_ Jeremy was married?" he asked, his lips twisted in an ugly sneer.

Elena breathed in deeply glaring at him. No, no she hadn't. She hadn't known that Jeremy had been married for the last six months and that she was going to be an Aunt. She hadn't known because he hadn't told her, hadn't even invited his own _sister_ to the wedding.

Although apparently Damon had gone. Without her.

Fuck this, if Damon wanted to go down this path, two can play this game.

"What did it feel like, Damon, watching the woman you love marry someone else, knowing that tonight, she will be in _his_ arms and _his_ bed?" she goaded, smiling maliciously. "What did it feel like listening as she pledged her life to another man, promising _him_ love and devotion?" she sneered back at him.

A dark look crossed his perfect features as he dropped her hand as if were diseased.

"What it feels like everyday since the day you decided to fuck up both our lives." He said through clenched teeth, spinning on his heel and making his way back to the bottle of scotch and downing his glass in one go.

Elena released a breath as she took a tentative step towards him.

"Damon I –"

"You know I never actually asked you why?" he told her, his back to her. "Never asked you why you did this. Do I even really want to know why?" he asked softly, those ice blue eyes slanting back to hers. There was hatred in that piercing blue gaze. Hatred, derision. All for her, all because of her.

"No, probably not." She snarked, folding her arms across her chest. Funny how she only just now remembered she was half naked, standing in her lace underwear.

Damon barely spared her nakedness a glance.

'Didn't think so." He replied. "I think you should sleep in the other room tonight." He told her.

"But what about the bond?!" she asked desperately, wanting, needing comfort of his body next to hers. Today had been a trying day. Seeing Stefan in the arms of another woman, her brother turning his back on her, her best friend not even inviting her to her own wedding and watching as Damon pined for his ex-girlfriend.

"Tonight, I don't really give a shit." Damon told her. "I don't want to deal with you tonight, so you need to leave. Now."

_**You can't make your heart **__**feel**__** something it won't **_

Elena felt the tears well up in her eyes as she stared at his naked back, wanting desperately to say sorry but her pride refusing to let her.

Fuck that, and fuck Damon. If she was hurting then she'll make damn well sure he will too.

"Fine. Sleep alone." She sneered, grabbing her clothes from her drawers. "Let me leave you with your memories and your thoughts of what could've been. You're dwelling, Damon, when you too can move on. Just like Bonnie did. With someone else. Yeah? So I fucked up your life, get over it. Because when you're in that bed all by yourself with your memories of Bonnie, she's in bed with a fucking hot werewolf, not thinking about you at all!" she finished turning on her heel and storming out of the room and slamming the bedroom door behind her in a fit of rage.

Releasing a breath, Elena leant against the closed door, jumping with she heard something crash violently against the door, her heart breaking. Resting her head back against the door, Elena slid slowly down the door, tears falling freely as she sobbed quietly.

Yeah, there were times in Elena Salvatore's pathetic, misery-filled life where she wished she could just turn back the clock.

_**The End.**_


End file.
